Board games are the bein of my existence. I just can't sit still and push my gamepiece across a board for two or more hours with these tedious, cruel suppressions of the human spirit. Among the worst offenders are Scrabble and Monopoly, and my sister, with her ever-changing infatuations, has recently decided that she loves Monopoly. I went Christmas shopping with her, and I knew she'd bought our Dad a new Nintendo Monopoly game. Thus, I had to come to grips with my fate on Christmas morn--I would have to play a round of Monopoly.
It was one of the last presents opened, and of course I just had to play, just once. I finally conceded, partially because it was Christmas, and partially because it was Nintendo, and I am a nerd.
The difference between the original Monopoly and the Nintendo version is that instead of being real estate tycoons, you're the top bosses in a lucrative character slave trade. Where there once were colorful boulevards and avenues, there are now lots where you can purchase any one of various Nintendo characters. They can be sold or traded, forced to erect houses and hotels, and if another player lands on your lot, they pay the fee in order to rent your character for labor.
This, of course, affected how we all played the game. Instead of making calculated and "Monopoly"-like decisions, we all scrambled to grab up our favorite characters, regardless of their value or strategic importance. I, apathetic about any actual success at the game, was particularly motivated to claim my favorites, among them Kirby, Toad, and all of the Zelda characters. I purchased no characters that I was not interested in, and went around the board almost twice without buying anything, because with my luck I wasn't going to land on anyone I actually wanted any time soon. However my sister, who is the veritable Fountain of Luck, breezed across the board and bought up every one of my favorite characters. I was ready to call it quits.
With plumbers being a particularly hard-working breed in the Nintendo World, Mario and Luigi took up the last and most expensive places on the board. In the next two go-arounds, I landed on both of them and decided I might as well make the purchase. But, they almost put me out of business, and I waited with half-hope, half-anxiety that soon I'd be out and my Monopoly sentence would be over.
I made few other purchases after the Marios Brothers, and slowly the money from passing "Go" and the occasional "Free Parking" were beginning to add up. I decided I'd buy some houses. Then, I looked down at the rent price of my lots with the added houses. And suddenly, the game became interesting. My dad was the most successful so far, and he'd been picking on me throughout the game. He bankrupted my sister, and we were sure he was going to win. Quietly, I kept buying houses for Mario and Luigi.
Then, the unthinkable happened. My mom landed on Luigi and got wiped clean. She was out, and suddenly my money and my property had doubled. I looked up at my Dad, my remaining contender, and readjusted myself on the floor so that we faced each other head-on. This was no longer a game--it was war. I bought up enough houses to put down two hotels on my Marios Brothers. Still, even with my mom's lots, I only owned about a third of the board, if even that. At almost every turned, I was fined for landing on my dad's property. It was slowly chipping away at my stock of multi-colored paper money. I began to fear the worst.
At last, my Dad landed on Luigi. With a hotel on the lot, it cost him $1500. That's right--three orange ones. But, he could just afford it and still have about six hundred left over. For now, he was safe. I took my turn, and landed on one of his lots. It cost me a couple hundred bucks.
My dad rolled again. He only needed a three to get back to "Go." The dice fell from his hand, and clattered and spun across the board before coming to an abrupt stop. Snake eyes. One, two, and he landed on Mario. With the hotel, it was a $2000 dollar fine that he could never hope to pay.
Everyone laughed in amazement at my victory. I jumped back and sprawled across the couch. "Don't ever make me play Monopoly again!!" I warned them all, now that they had seen the fruit of my wrath. In a swirl of victorious electiricity mixed with the storms of fury, I dashed upstairs to my lair.
We haven't played Monopoly since.
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